Using the phrase “We’re Grown” to Manipulate You

I have been working so hard these last three weeks that I haven’t done much recording. I’ve had a thousand ideas come across my mind, and things I wanted to talk about, but I just have not had—or should I say, made—the time to do it. Yeah. So if you’ve been following my podcast, and even if you haven’t, I am working on a book called Falling for the Okey-Doke or How Not to Fall for the Okey-Doke. I talked about it on previous episodes—ways that women trick men into falling for the okey-doke, ways that men trick women, and I’ve talked about ways your employer can try to have you do things that are what we would call “falling for the okey-doke,” like training your replacement, paying for company stuff out of your own pocket, or suggesting that by giving you benefits, they are doing you a favor. But really, it’s doing them a favor because they need you healthy to show up to work. So, most of the time, it’s in their best interest to provide you with benefits.

I also don’t want to give people the idea that I’m ungrateful or lack gratitude. Although employers benefit from giving you benefits, and it’s in their best interest to do so, many don’t, and there are different levels of benefits. Some offer more benefits than others; some go the extra mile, and some just give the bare minimum. At no point am I saying to be ungrateful or not to appreciate what any situation provides. Having a heart of gratitude and being grateful is a good thing; being appreciative is a good thing—unless someone is doing something for you with a hidden agenda or expecting some type of reward or payback. In that case, maybe you shouldn’t be grateful, but there are so many different variations of that, and we would have to get into all of them to break down when you should and shouldn’t be grateful. I believe that most people have enough common sense and logic to know when to be grateful. And if you don’t, I can tell you that whenever someone does something for you out of the kindness of their heart, you should be grateful. There isn’t enough appreciation and gratitude going around—it doesn’t seem like that to me, in my world, and from what I see.

Anyway, Falling for the Okey-Doke—today I want to talk about what people want you to believe versus what’s really going on. So, I’m going to repeat that: what people want you to believe versus what’s really going on. These are some okey-doke tips—I’m going to go over some situations that will help prevent you from falling for these okey-dokes. As I was saying earlier, falling for the okey-doke can happen in relationships between men and women, women and men, men and men—it’s not just in intimate relationships. It can involve employers or even falling for the “paying too much for a used car” okey-doke. Men have fallen for the “fake pregnancy to get abortion money” okey-doke. So, there are all kinds of ways everyone can be put in a position to fall for the okey-doke.

This is Lois Lane Miami. This is the Purple Kool-Aid Podcast, and I try to record as much as I can, as often as I can, but sometimes I’m just working too much. So yeah, this is what people want you to believe versus what’s really going on. Some of these—or I think most of these today—have to do with men, and I don’t only pick on men. Today, I’m picking on men, but that’s not what I always do. I always like to say that there are good men, there are good women, there are good variations of all types of people, and there are bad variations of all types of people. Just try to surround yourself with the good people.

Men will try to use reverse psychology on you—the reverse psychology method. And I’ve met a lot of women who let their egos get to them. They let their heads get blown up by certain things, and when I say blown up, I don’t mean shut off—I mean their egos. They have inflated egos or they meet a man who knows how to play or manipulate them based on their own inflated egos. And if I had a dime for every woman who believed a man when he said, “You have the best pussy I’ve ever had,” I would not be doing this podcast. I would probably be on a world fishing tour because fishing is my passion, and yeah, I would be enjoying myself on my fishing yacht. Notice I said “fishing yacht”—if I’m on a yacht, it has to be a fishing yacht. If I can’t fish on a boat, I don’t really want to be on that boat, right?

Not sure why women believe this, but I can tell you that probably 90% of men—whether they mean it or not—tell women, “You have the best pussy I’ve ever had.” And I hate that word—coochie, pussy, coochie—I’d rather say coochie, but I need you guys to know what I’m talking about. They tell you this because they know that if they tell you that you have mediocre coochie or bad coochie, you’ll never allow them to smash again, right? Can you imagine some man saying that and expecting to smash again? The answer is probably no, because a woman does not sit well with that type of reaction or statement. Women are so used to being lied to, and for some reason, we think pussy is something that’s all that and more. Yes, it is all that and more, but it’s something that men can get all over the place. So, I don’t want to take too long on this, but the reason they tell you that you have the best pussy in the world is because they want you to give them more. The more they fill your head with compliments or butter you up, the more likely you are to give them more and make it easier for them. It also gives you a false sense of accomplishment and plants the seed in your head that you have some power that you absolutely do not have. You like being complimented, so every time they tell you this, you just want to give them more, more, more because you’re eating up the compliments and looking for validation.

It depends on the man—it depends on what level they’re operating on mentally or how much they care—but usually, they will not admit that as long as they bust a nut, they are happy. I’ll say that again: as long as a man busts a nut, he is happy. That’s normal; people masturbate, but especially men. Do they prefer coochie over other things? Yes, they do. Do they prefer women with certain bodies, who do more in bed, who have certain traits? Of course, they do. But men tell 90% of women that they have the best pussy in the world—that does not mean you have the best pussy in the world.

On the flipside, we don’t tell men that they have the best dick in the world unless we’re trying to get some money from them or something like that. It’s the same thing—they’re trying to get a reward, and that’s the same reason why men do it: because they’re looking for a reward. But it’s not something we say a lot. However, if we do say it, we mean it most of the time. A lot of us actually do mean it. If it’s not just some sugar daddy or some guy we’re trying to hurry up and get rid of, we actually mean it. I don’t know if the fact that we actually mean it when we say it makes us think that men mean it when they say it, or if it’s the stupid looks on their faces when they bust a nut, or when they fall out on the floor screaming, or jumping around, or calling Jesus, or clenching, or grabbing you. When they’re busting a nut, whatever they’re doing makes you believe them—that little show they put on. I’m not saying you’re not giving them that feeling, but that nut he just busted? He will go across the street and bust that same magnitude of nut with somebody else.

I’m not saying this to hurt anyone because I’m not saying you shouldn’t have things to offer. That’s another thing—I don’t like that “what do you bring to the table” thing. I don’t believe relationships should be based on what a person brings to the table, and we’ll talk about that later. But you should have—whether it’s with a man or not—more value than the best pussy in the world, because there’s actually no such thing. I hope you understand that. Men tell every woman they want to have sex with, or want to have sex with again, that they have the best pussy in the world—it is a manipulation tactic.

Now, manipulation tactic number two—and I guess I could put these okey-dokes under “things men say to get you to give them more sex or more coochie”—this one is funny to me because I’ve heard it so much: “We’re grown.” The whole premise of “we’re grown”—and if you don’t know what I’m trying to say, I’ll break it down. It goes like this: you meet a guy, he asks for your phone number, he says he wants to come over to your house later, and you say, “Do you have a girlfriend?” and he says, “Baby, we’re grown,” or “We’re grown,”. Or, we’re grown or don’t worry about what I got going on we’re grown.

So the reason they saying this, if you don’t already know, you probably do it’s supposed to make you feel like you’re supposed to act a certain way. For example you’re not supposed to complain, you’re not supposed to cry, You’re supposed to allow him to do whatever he wants with you because you’re both adults. It’s supposed to make you feel like he’s opening up the door by this statement allowing you to be in a compromising situation with him because now you’re in an adult. You’re not not a child anymore. You’re an adult and we’re grown and therefore you should allow yourself to be subject to compromising yourself or you should allow him to fuck you even though he’s got a woman or a girlfriend or a wife because now you’re an adult.

The funny thing to me is that woman play into this. I’ve seen and I’ve heard women be cheated on and not do a damn thing about it or not check their man using the excuse of “I’m a grown woman”. They tell their friends that they’re grown and act like it’s a big deal because they fed into the notion that “they’re grown” means that they should put up with whatever bullshit and not be childish because for some reason complaining and nagging and crying and throwing a fit When someone is Manipulating you, deceiving you, cheating on you, beating on you, or treating you like a total piece of shit, you reacting Is inappropriate.

Now I’ve always dated men in my race and I’ve only ever heard The men that I like say “I’m grown” to women and get women to feed into that or use that as a manipulation tactic – so basically it’s a psychological game to keep you on ice as he gets and does whatever he wants to you at the expense of your feelings and needs. And then they get you feed into it it’s like a whole reverse psychology thing because you start thinking, when you’re in situations like this with a man like this, you start thinking That if you complained you’re being like a child. And then some women have even convinced themselves that their better than the woman who throws a fit when the man is mistreating them, and she goes around saying “I’m grown” as if it’s some type of badge of honor to allow someone to quietly miss treat you with no drama.

To follow up, what I do is when someone says to me, “what would you do if you found out I was lying or cheating?” I tell them I’m gonna act like a motherfucking toddler and throw a fit and a tantrum wherever I find out and the whole world is gonna know. And when I tell them that, the ones who like to say “we’re grown” usually run the other way and it ends up being a plus for me because then I don’t have to deal with cheating, lying, disrespectful people who reverse psychology manipulate you by saying that if you react to this to their mistreatment you are no longer allowed the title of being a “grown woman”.

So yeah, men like to say, “women can’t do what men do,” and I’ve heard this one a lot. The funny thing about this is, nine times out of 10—or probably 99 times out of 100—this only comes out of the mouths of men who are doing something disrespectful, deceiving, cheating, or being manipulative. When a man says, “women can’t do what men do,” just know they’re not talking about building cabinets, fishing, construction work, or flying a space shuttle. What they’re talking about is cheating, lying, and deceiving.

And if you decide to do that back, suddenly you’re deemed unequal or unworthy of being allowed to deceive, cheat, and disrespect, simply because you’re a woman and not a man. This phrase is designed to convince you that he can do whatever he wants to you, but if you give him a taste of his own medicine, you’ll be looked down upon or labeled a whore.

There are even stupid women who save each other by participating in this game along with men, against other women. Let me say that again: stupid women go along with this game against other women, believing it’s okay for men to cheat but not okay for women to give them a dose of their own medicine.

Now, I just want to say something because I made a video asking, “Can women use men for sex?” I don’t believe that women can use men for sex because I don’t feel like there’s really any benefit for women unless they’re doing it for money. And I’m not saying women should have sex for money at all, whatsoever. But when a woman has sex with a man, it’s typically for more than just sex. Even if it’s not love, it’s affection or filling some kind of void. It’s usually not just physical.

I’ve met and keep meeting women who, after I did that video, keep saying that they can have sex with men just for sex. They’ll tell me they’ve done it, and I’ll ask them to give me an example. They’ll give me an example of a time they screwed some guy and say all they wanted was sex, and they didn’t want to be bothered. But usually, it’s followed by a context where they had just gotten hurt, were lonely, or were looking for affection. But they’re not going to tell you that.

Now, I’m not saying women aren’t capable of being assholes—we are. But for the most part, unless there’s something much deeper going on, women don’t use men just for sex.

I’m not saying women can’t do what men do—you can definitely do it. And I’m also not calling you a whore if you do what men do either. But there are women who go along with men against other women, thinking it’s okay for men to cheat and it’s not okay for women to give them a dose of their own medicine. This game allows him to screw whoever he wants while keeping you from retaliating. If you’re dealing with this kind of jerk, don’t retaliate—just leave him alone. Let him do what “women can’t do” with some other fool. Don’t be that person.

I’m going to wrap up this episode of the okey-doke series. Don’t fall for this okey-doke—it’s what people want you to believe versus what’s really going on. Make sure you tune in to my next episode. I’m on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, and just about anywhere you can find a podcast. Sign off and have a great rest of your week!

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