Blaming another woman for your disrespectful, disloyal husband and why it’s ridiculous.
What’s up, everybody? This is Lois Lane Miami on The Purple Kool-Aid Podcast. It’s been a while, right?
Today, I wanna talk to you about blaming another woman for your disrespectful, disloyal husband and why it’s ridiculous.
So, I got into—not really a debate, but a back-and-forth—on a post yesterday on Facebook. And it’s not the first time. There was a woman on there talking about how some other woman or other women were whores and sluts, calling them all kinds of names—the ones that ended up getting caught up with married men. She was saying how these women were chasing down men, how she’s seen it, and how all the men want is sex.
Then people were talking about how these men never leave their wives for these women.
Not All Men Cheat
First off, I wanna say this: not all men cheat.
I personally know men that have been in my family—and I had a ratchet-ass family—but in my family and among friends, and even one I was in a long relationship with, that definitely did not cheat.
Now, I’m confident in saying this because I’m very good at seeing things and reading people. I know people. I can almost tell you by the way somebody walks what kind of lifestyle they have. And I know that sounds kind of crazy, but if you knew me and all the different things that I’ve done and seen, you’d say, “Yeah, if you put logic into effect, that makes sense.”
So anyway, this lady was going back and forth. And she has a right to be upset. Getting upset is normal. We all have a right to be upset about things. People should not try to tell us that we’re not allowed to be upset, hurt, sad, or anything like that.
Commitment in Marriage
The other thing that I wanted to say was, when two people decide they want to get married—under whatever pretense, whether it’s religious or not—and they say to each other, “Let’s get married, let’s join this union, we are going to be monogamous, committed, and loyal to each other, and we love one another with all of our hearts. We’re going to spend the rest of our lives together and build a family,” or whatever their particular commitments are—when they honor those commitments, I think it’s a beautiful thing.
I love it when I meet old couples, and they’re like, “Oh, we’ve been together for 50 years, and we’re happy,” and they have each other. There’s nothing more beautiful than that. I think that’s great.
But I also don’t believe that anyone should interfere in that union.
However, being married in a situation where both people are unhappy, disloyal, deceitful, or non-committed—where they are dishonoring their commitments or breaking their word to each other—is trash.
It’s not something that anyone should be in.
We have one life. And being tethered to another person for your entire life while you’re unhappy, they’re unhappy, or they’re disloyal, or whatever crazy stuff is going on—that’s probably not the best way to spend the limited time you have on this earth.
However, if you feel that it is in your best interest to spend your limited time on this earth in a miserable relationship—just to uphold a standard that society has decided we need to uphold—then that is your business.
Accountability & Blame
That being said, when people blame other people for situations that adults choose to put themselves in—when no one put a gun to their head, no one gave them money, no one coerced or persuaded them—I have a problem with that.
It’s like when children grow up and people say, “I don’t want my child around that kid because they’re a bad influence.”
Ninety percent of the time, both kids are bad as hell and both are involved in committing wrongdoing together.
And I know for a fact—because I’ve experienced situations with my children and watched others—that typically, the child the parent believes is a bad influence is actually not the bad influence. Usually, it’s the child of the parent who believes their kid is innocent. And why?
Because that parent does not hold their child accountable for their actions.
And when you don’t hold someone accountable, you are rewarding them for their actions. You are giving them no reason to discontinue their behavior.
This, in turn, creates irresponsible and unaccountable adults.
So, don’t do that to your children.
And also, let’s be real—we all heard this growing up:
“If your friend told you to jump off a bridge, would you do it?”
Parents would say that to make us understand that just because someone suggests or does something doesn’t mean you should follow them.
So, if we can apply that logic to children, shouldn’t we expect a grown man or woman to be responsible for their actions?
Men Know What They’re Doing
When a man comes to a woman and proposes marriage, he has already thought about it for a long time.
Unless you have one of these desperate people—and I’m not just talking about men because there are a lot of desperate women too—but most men think long and hard before they propose.
He knows exactly what he is getting into.
The same way when he goes to a car dealership and signs a contract to pay for a car, he understands the financial commitment.
And guess what?
If he doesn’t make the payment, they come and take the car away.
Not saying that people are like cars, but my point is—people understand commitments.
When you accept a job, you know there are certain things you have to do to keep that job.
If you don’t, they will fire you.
Yet, when people cheat, and their partner does nothing about it—when they sit there and turn the other cheek—it’s because the cheater knows they can get away with it.
They do not respect you at all.
The “Other Woman” Narrative
I don’t call the other woman the side chick.
Because the moment a man starts bringing another woman into his world, dishonoring his commitment, and having a relationship with someone else—now, everyone is the other woman.
You’ve been bamboozled into believing that the title of wife makes you better.
But it doesn’t.
And I’m not saying messing around with a married man makes that woman better either. It’s not your fault.
But the title of “wife” does not make you hurt less.
It does not make you less disrespected.
It does not put a glimmer of respect in his eye for you.
He does not respect you.
He does not care about the consequences.
He does not care how many tears you cry.
He does not care how it makes you look.
And frankly, he does not care to be an adult and uphold the commitment that he probably asked you for.
Closing Thoughts
Nine times out of ten, you did not go to him and beg him to commit to you.
Most women are being proposed to.
So, this man has wooed you, pursued you, and told you, “I want only you for the rest of my life.”
And yet, he still chose to cheat.
Because cheating is a choice.
And that’s where I’ll leave this—for now.
This has been The Purple Kool-Aid Podcast with Lois Lane Miami. Stay tuned for Part 2!